The Eagle Movie

The Eagle...

This director got it  - I want you to watch how the camera cuts, how scared they are (the men), how they steel themselves to go rescue their comrades.  To me - this was so very well done - but it is about loyalty to team mates, using courage in the face of certain death (my father could tell you about that one).  The second clip he realizes that if he does not do something they will ALL die (him and his men) - so time stops and he does what he has to do - note how the chariot falls on him. 

They have a beginning ritual where he prays to Mithras (Mithras being a contemporary of Christ).  This film worked on so many levels for me.  Finally - if you watch it all the way through he becomes a friend with a barbarian - the story becomes about their relationship.  The barbarian is played by the man who starred in Billy Elliot a few years back.

The movie is about fathers and sons, the state and barbarism, courage and comrads, duty, the individual.  Friendship.

It works on a lot of levels this movie for me....anyway enjoy the clips

OK - hope you have a great saturday - enjoy!

Getting prepared

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&v=Ae9Pj2JIero&NR=1

Saving his men

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2KzdCJ0Awo

interviews - it is worth getting through the advertisement to see the interviews

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQ5-7LJSekU&feature=fvsr

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WH3__bRaslw&feature=relmfu

The Trailer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SdErNhRoWwM

December Musings

I am going to sit here and enjoy this feeling at the moment.  I so rarely get to feel this way, that I am just going to enjoy it.  It is glimmers of happiness and peace.  I know the war front, the durge, waits.  It is always there; but, if glimmers of happiness and peaceful contentment are offered, I think it  is our responsibility to embrace the feeling.  I am a Taurus, with a strong eighth house south node, moving toward a second house north node, so I suppose the life aim is to get to where I feel this all the time.  Subjectively, I am always gritting my teeth usually, waiting for the other shoe to drop.  But for this day, I am in the moment, content.  It is a nice feeling and I will embrace it, as there is plenty of time for the other.

I am told my life may be a bit like oyster-Pearl.  That makes sense to me.  We seek perfection, but we are all works in progress.

The ending with the man, I am sincerely surprised I lived through it.  I am here though, coming out from the other side, and I learned a few things.  The ending doesn't lessen the importance of what we shared;  it was real love, it was a strong past life connection, it was passionate and amazing, and he did abandon me at the end of the day, after two years.  I have a temper which put a damper on things. It is important to wait for the love.  My regret is we did not transition it to friendship, but we might yet.

 I  have been seeking out those friends in the past I have abandoned myself out of emotional immaturity.  I was well received by two.  There are two more to be sought out.  Forgiveness.  I did not want to abandon them - I just did not have the emotional equipment at the time to understand boundaries, and how to deal with negativity - so it was baby and bathwater - which really was not necessary.  I will report on the two more remaining when we connect.

I am getting rid of crazy Indians who abandon their families. I  am coming back west to a high value system and relationship as something that matter.  This is a shift.  I plan to study philosophy. This is a turn around in orientation.....no more crazy abandoner.  God/Goddess can be found in quiet contentment and personal responsibility and in this timeless moment.  I am not a theologian - but I am going to trust this process.....

In my defense - moon is sextile uranus.  Moon is over there in the 11th house in Gemini, sextile that uranian Leo in the first half.....  I had a bad habit of bonding to unhealthy relationship (Chiron South node in PIsces) and this life - things blow up if there is too much of that.....  The upcoming eclipse this Saturday is conjunct that moon in Gemini, so I expect a new beginning emotionally.  Saturn is conjunct the IC - another new beginning.  This life?  Military father, living in 20 places, to have anyone in my life long term is unheard of, and now, here - it is happening.  So I am simply observing a moment of silence, and getting comfortable with it. 

Someone (psychic/counsellor) told me I was a Blue Ray baby - and I read up on it.  Yes - that is me.  The empath, but now the need to embody the light.  One of my abandoned children-friends is a light worker.  My theory is I was the mother who left too young by death more than once (terribly terrified of Childbirth - suspect more than one death in childbirth).  You leave children young and they need you so badly....I don't feel so haunted as I did.  I believe this is the glimmer of a first step in healing.

A realization during 11:11:11 that I was here to embody Venus.  I would never be so bold as to say I am her...hubris that would be....but I could say I am a representative sent here from planet Goddess to help bring her back.  Venus in Aries in the 9th house MC sextile that Uranus in Leo in the first house.  The Uranian-Venusian.  Boy do I resonate with the myth of Venus rising out of the misty sea, a product of Uranus' genitals scatterered onto the water by Saturn.  Space, time, form.  The myths have something to teach us - which is why I study with the Jungians.  It is like this hidden language seeking to come out.  Like crop circles - from the same place.

Reading Cicero "On Old Age" in the train this morning.  His words soar...his 2000 year old words soar....my parents get a copy for Christmas.

Maybe this is all a glimmer of love....

The break up - lost two teeth over the deal.  Pluto in Capricorn went reverse.  Worst summer of my life.  Abandonment. Betrayal of promises made.  Yet we still dream of each other.  It was like loosing my own child.  Another one of my lost children.  Abandonment. Betrayal.  He ran off with someone else.  Well, I will never again be the other woman....I will not put another woman through this.  I passed a test I think, Sunday night.  29:11 vibration.

On December 5th, started again with being a vegetarian and the principles of natural hygiene.  After 11:11:11 started again with Yoga.  I am not one of these cloud-floaters - I am here now - but I find embodyment to be a more pragmatic approach that the strategy I was taking.  Maybe the task is to learn to love here whole-heartedly and to bring heaven to earth.  We have our beautiful earth....

Now my menses which left me with the break up for six months is back today....my girl is back....and it makes me so happy.  I believe that I have been eating correctly since Monday, and that has made all the difference in the world.   I am going to reread  "Fit for Life".  The trigger for that was reading about Dana Delany in Parade magazine.  That is all she does.  I did it for 10 years, felt great, never had a weight problem.  I am going to get back into it.  I have been doing it for the last four days, and I have more energy, and my menses is back.  I am sure that it is back partly from what I am eating, and partly from releasing the trauma and forgiving the ex.

 I have been working on forgiving the ex, and coming at this all from a place of gratitude.  It is rare in this life to run into a soul mate - and he was. It was even more difficult to let it go - but everything I have read says - if Pluto is going to take something you have to let it go.  I laugh when I read that pluto rules the knees and the teeth.  I wasn't letting go, so two teeth were taken.  The absess scared the crap out of me.

He was so very very important.

Before I met him, I may as well have been a virgin, as I ran from that whole man woman thing since I was 25 years old and divorce.  I was walking around like some sort of strange female eunuch.  He changed me.  He really did love me.  He left.

Accountability, Responsibility, Capability.

I was reading Cicero on the train this morning, and began to think of my life differently again.  I had all this feedback in my review yesterday about needing to be aware of the effect I have on others.  It is one of those things - powerful whether you like it or not...so you may as well be highly conscious about it.  The boss who is 20 years younger than I am actually did a good job with the review process.

I give myself permission at the moment to ramble. I will develop the articles as they come.  A psychic once asked me why I ate meat - she said my body could not digest it.  Back to Fit for Life again for four days  and I realize the woman was right.

I will allow myself fish on Sunday - but back to being a vegetarian again. So I will report on all this again.

You have to go with what you are....but for the moment - I feel contentment.  Is this what it is like to be a Taurus?

I have a strong scorpio signature in my chart.  I saw aura's with the ex - Grey, Black  there are reasons for things.  I will cross the bridge to be a friend when the time comes - but at the moment - I sit with this.  I observe the last year.

I have to gracefully let him go - if I do - then there is a chance for a healing and a friendship.

Integrity, Honor, Valor, Courage.  These are the hallmarks of a man....if you don't have these attributes - then you are a boy who rings shallow.

I will flesh this out- but for now - your recommended reading list.....

www.elsaelsa.com

www.divineharmony.org

Cicero "On Old Age"

Anything to embody Venus

"Return of the Goddess"

November 5, 2011

Going over my notes from two readings, astrology sessions, I had with Cathy Pagano over at World of Wisdom.  She is a Jungian Therapist and an astrologer, and very good.

Willows Web Blog has been on the money as far as some of the things going on with me with my Venus and my Juno.  Spot on.  I don't agree with everything she says - not all things - but she is a huge talent, and there are times she simply soars. 

I also follow over at http://www.elsaelsa.com/, which is a nice community that you can learn from.  I enjoy Elsa's transit watch and newsletter as well as Satori's posts.

Over the last week, I have been trying to decord the old relationship, and the weight is falling off of me.  I spent a lot of time nuturing and healing this guy, and we got really, really close - so of course he dumps me and runs off with someone else.  I don't seem to have a talent for traditional relationship with men and women - but I have been gifted with a father and a mother who want me to be strong, independent and a fighter.  That father would scream if he knew some of the crap I have put up with with the guy, but there gets to be a time in a woman's life when she is lonely.  I suppose you could call it an experiment on my parts.  The father and I share several connections, but his north node is conjunct my pallas athene in Pisces.  We also share a Saturn conjunction at 29 degrees.  Thank God for this father.

I have Scorpio occulted in my 4th house, with my Libra IC at 26 degrees aries.  I also have Neptune in Scorpio.  The guy's progressed chart shows his rising sign at 20 degrees Scorpio.  I will say that this is the most significant relationship I have ever had, I let him close, and I truly trusted him.  His leaving and running off with another woman has pretty much destroyed me this last six months....

but....

odd things are happening now.  I remember the grey and the black I used to see in his energy field.  I know he holds grudges.  My mother can hold a grudge for 20 years( her south node in scorpio conjuncts my neptune in scorpio).  This guy and my mother are a lot alike.  I have never felt such a bond with another human being before, and I know he felt it too.  But also, the new woman, has had a lot of plastic surgery, and she is a doctor.  Who knew the guy was a climber and in it for the money.  I know he doesn't love her, as I confronted him about it, and he could not bring himself to say he did.  He said "maybe someday it would be true love".  Hmm....not an auspicious start.  He pursued me for six months before I let him in, and all I heard for the following year was how very much he loved me.  It was absolutly great!  And I was arrogant enough to believe that it would always last.  I was a fool.  But it was very special.

Anyway, I have seen bad energy in his field, and things are lifting and shifting.
I am sure my guides don't want me to be with bad energy. Toward the end there I had dreams about parasites and spitting them up (in connection to him) and dreams about vampires - connected to him.  He emotionally consumed me until everything exploded. 

http://willowsweb.blogspot.com/

The interesting thing about this - is this guy is doing an astrology dance like clockwork.  He has libra rising, moon in libra, and sun at aries at 1.55 degrees, juno at 13 degrees Taurus.  A yod - which I did not see till after the break up of Pluto in Virgo inconjunct Eris in Aries (exactly conjunct his descendent at 10 degrees aries), and Neptune in Scorpio sextile his pluto in Virgo, and also in conjunct Eris in Aries conjunct his descendent.  Pallas Athene is over there at 12 degrees Aries.

Willow has totally blocked it all out - October 6th, 2010 Venus conjunct Mars in Scorpio (oppose his Juno) and Juno in the scorpio mix - first break up - suddenly - out of the blue - with out warning after two years together.

Willow has been blogging about the wrap up of the collective relationship issues in October 2011/November 2011 - again - this guy is executing like clockwork.  He and I got back together in November 2010, and he broke up with me again March 10, 2011 (the day that Uranus went into Aries - the very day).  Saturn has been hovering on his ascendent, and conjunct his moon for months.

He ran off with the other woman in June - after breaking up with me in March - after promising me repeatedly that we would get together to talk about the relationship.  Runner - and here Willow lists the shadow side of Libra, and one by one I ticked off how he was fitting each and every one.  Amazing.


The New moon on September 26, 2011 involving Juno.  DivineHarmony.org was right about that one - she nailed the experience.  It was the day I found out about the other girl and I called him and it all came out.

Finally - over there on October 13th and that full moon in Aries - too funny - yes - he had been seeing someone - but I am not sure his situation now.

On that day Saturn came up to conjunct his moon exact at 20 degrees Libra.  Uranus came up to conjunct his sun exact at 1.55 degrees Aries.  The Sun was conjunct his natal moon in the first house.  The full moon was in his seventh house conjunct Eris and Lilith.  It all happened at once - and I felt something shift and explode.  I really want to find out what happened.  Relationship problem I am so sure - the truth you know.  I think it ended.  http://www.elsaelsa.com/ had some interesting things to say about that moon, and I think she was right on.

I have an Aries midheaven and Mars in leo rising.  Relationships are not my strong point.  I am terrified of being vulnerable, and I really opened up to this guy so the betrayal i have felt has been awful (but perfectly described by Willow).  I do have Jupiter in Aquarius conjunct my descendent, so I am hopeful for a good relationship at somepoint.

Finally, I did contribute to some of my own problems.  Typical Saturn in Libra being in my third house, instead of communicating in a clear way my boundaries and what i needed, more than once I got mad (about 5 times) with him.  I could have done a better job at how I approached it.

It was real love, he ran, but now my inner eye is again showing me the negative energy in his aura.  I saw it at the time but chose to ignore it.   So who knows how it will all play out.  All I know is, I have been amazed at the astrology of all of this, and grateful for the help I have found.

This week on my project in Kalamazoo, I was gifted with good men, attractive men at the work site, trying to mentor me, help me guide me, lead me forward.  They see me - a petite blond woman trying to make it in the world - and they try to help me, show me a better way, get me promoted.  I have always been grateful for those good men who show up as helpers.

I am lonely yes - I am.  I do miss him, but I am getting my Aries midheaven activated again, and the move of Venus and Mercury into Saggitarius has helped a whole lot.  Going to get the career house in order and go forward, trying to get grounded and embodied.  Some of his issues with me is I did not have it together the way I should.

I should also mention that two weeks after he broke up with me, he was fired from his Job.  Uranus you know - hitting his sixth house Sun.

We'll see how it all plays out, but I am going to get my act together work wise now.  I cried every day for six months - but since I decorded him before I went to Michigan this week, and told him I would not nuture him anymore now that he has done this, I have felt a lot better.  I have felt my native energy come back to me.

Check out http://www.divineharmony.org/   http://willowsweb.blogspot.com/ and http://www.elsaelsa.com/

All worth a read.

Now I guess I get to try to evolve on that upward spiral you know.  What else is a girl to do?  There was a much happier time, when he was in love with me.  It lasted for two years that way. 

I have Uranus trine my Venus.  You never know when what you love will be taken from you.  It is important to be grateful when you have it.

Synchronicity and Feeling

Thinking a lot about synchronicity and those interesting coincidences.

Going where one needs to go

When I was young, without experience, and knew everything as I was highly educated, it was difficult to see clearly.  I ran into some ideas that were not healthy for me, and that sort of shut me down.  I will be working on this post for several days, and will expand it.

I am learning the game of Golf - why?  Because with my astro configuration pattern, it is important to use skillful means.

Whenever I get swamped by my sea of tears, I remember what my friend who is a commercial pilot would tell me - "did you help a kid learn how to tie his shoes?  did you take out the garbage?  Did you clean the house? Do those things then report back to me"

I have north node in Virgo in the second house conjunct Pluto.  Saturn in the 6th house.  Sun in Taurus.  This south node in pisces conjunct chiron in the eighth house which trips me up.  I cannot understand if this is collective, ancestral, or personal, that said like I said there are more posts to come, in addition to evolving this post a bit.  At times it is a sea of tears.  Doesn't help me one bit either.

The Mantra - "Skillful means"

When I get trapped over there in that eighth house - it does not help me, and it does not help the collective.  This is how I got into astrology in the first place.  It was a tool to help me get over onto that north node.

That said - after being swamped in a sea of tears for months I am going to start developing skillful means again.  I think women should have their own power - the men are a bit nutty - and the women need to know how to take care of themselves.

This post will evolve - but for now it is a start.  I will let you know how golf lessons go.

Thank god for Virgo men, engineers, pilots, athletes and all those healers and servers and strong men - by their virtue and ability and taking what they have to do seriously.  Thank you.

Kat Daffodil

Boston University

Vegetarian

I was a Vegetarian for 10 years, then I moved to Massachusetts and started eating meat again.  I think if you live in a climate of brutal weather, people should not be judged for eating meat.  Winter is simply insane Massachusetts north.

That said, I am experimenting with being a vegetarian again now that I live in DC.  I have met so many people from Massachusetts that live here, so many.  The area has many of the same markers as Massachusetts, but better weather. 

I have been a vegetarian again for two days, and already I feel better.  I already know I am a pisces fish south node, and I pick up on things whether I want to or not, and the vegetarian thing is just working for me at the moment.  I feel better.  I think I will eat fish occasionally as I need the b-vitamins, but I am going to experiment with this for a while and see how I do.  I will keep posting for you.

For those of you interested in Astrology - Tennessee where my parents are and where I went to High School and College - that is Neptune.  Massachusetts is Sun and Pluto.  DC is Uranian and a midpoint between Venus and my Mercury/Moon.  There is also this thing going on with Ceres and Vesta that is pretty important.

I am a work in progress and learning, and I promise to share accumulated knowledge.  Both from a worldly concern and business perspective, and from everything else.

All I can say is - if it works - keep it.  If it does not work - let it go.  North node in Virgo speaking here.

till next time, all the best.

Kat

Even Neptune eventually needs to Incarnate in order to Evolve

I have stated frequent disclaimers, yet here again, I state a disclaimer.  I am not a therapist, but a layman on an earthly journey.  I offer what I know, in hopes of making my life better, and pointing those who might need the help, into a better direction.

On the way to the beach a few weeks ago, I heard an excellent segment by someone named Robert Masters, on a book he had written called "Spiritual Bypassing".  This was on an NPR program - and I have forgotten the name.  In a nutshell, I agreed with much of what the man said, as I in the past have been very guilty, and still to some extent I am.  Except, I keep having these Scorpio experiences which force me to confront my emotion.

"What", you say, "How could a good Taurus girl like yourself be having Scorpio Experiences?".  Well, this is where it gets interesting, and this is where I have used astrology as a helper and pointer to growth, and where my soul is keeping me on track.  Dark Star Astrology - http://darkstarastrology.com/ - is an excellent website.  I am still trying to understand what all this means, but from the help I have gotten from the following - seems to me to be....

Sun pretty near Algol - the Medusa's head

Lilith pretty near my ascendent

Pluto Conjunct my North Node in Virgo in the Second House

Mars in Leo on the ascendent

I am still a good Taurus Girl - but i think much of this is designed to get me out of Neptunes Lair - where I can spend a lot of time. Pisces South node in the 8th house.

I have cried an ocean of tears - and then the teeth explode.  This morning in the dentist chair - again.

And - what is the degree my Neptune is on Sabian Symbols?  9 degrees Scorpio "A Dentist at Work:  Overcoming the Negative Results of Social Practices and Ego Cravings".  Buried right there in the 4th house - and conjuncth my mother's South Node.

I have spent my whole life in the Dentist Chair.  I was sitting there this morning thinking about what good Virgos that group was being, and how it was time to get real with my life lesson, again, and be grateful for it.

North Node -3 degrees Virgo  "Two Guardian Angels"  "Invisible help and protection in times of crises"

Pluto -5 Degrees Virgo  "A man becoming aware of Nature Spirits, and normally unseen Spiritual Agencies"

Path of Fortune -1 Degree Virgo  "A large white Cross dominates the landscape"

I like the book "An Astrological Mandala" by Dane Rudhyar for the sabian symbols meanings, but there are several very good books out there worth the investment and tending to the symbol.

Check out a website called "The Pluto Club"  It is worth your time.
http://www.bemyastrologer.com/the_pluto_club.html


Now it gets more interesting and complicated, in that Astrologer Janet Kane, has told me that I am a Uranian, and I need to get with the program.  Janet works with the Jungian therapists in the area, in order to help individuals study and understand their own life myths.  I think it is time I finally go get a full reading from Janet.

I have always known that I am a Uranian, (more about that signature later) - but it is all this electrical energy, that seems to help with the Neptunian Swamp I can sometimes get stuck in, and with some of these difficult Pluto lessons.  I have nothing against Neptune or Pluto - I just think a better way for me to Honor Neptune is to go visit the Ocean - where I do have a sense of Clarity.

I will probably be editing this post over the next few days, but I send it out there for now, for what it is worth.  I find that it is helpful to me to study astrology, as at least it points me in a positive direction where I can start to get a clue and get out of my swamp.

Till next time,

Kat

Wither thou go

Well, this Saturn oppose Venus has me by the throat.  I have felt like crying all day, alone and isolated.  A man I thought I would commit to, he is awol. I made the perenial mistake all women make - I was too nice, too giving.  An exception to that - the wise women have learned to stand their ground. 
I have decided to become the best me I can, so I have done some research. The weight - well...I got it down to 160 and now it wont budge. 

Look what I found today....

http://drhyman.com/

He believes in functional medicine, which makes sense.  Optimal digestion creates health in the rest of your life.

I don't know what to make of the guy - other than a broken heart.   A picture of him in a happier time.

I got fat - stress from the job....weight is coming off,....but not sure if the relationship will be repaired.

Astrological Weather

April 23, 2011
Happy Easter everyone. 

I follow Elsa at http://www.elsaelsa.com/ for a good overview of what the cosmic weather looks like.  She does not mince words, but if you want a heads up as to what is in the skies, she can be a huge help.  I have learned the hard way to follow the cosmic weather, and at the moment I consider myself a journeyman.  I seek to understand.  I attend lectures with the Jung Group here in DC, again seeking to build a schema and to understand. I know I still have a lot of work to do, so I am usually judicious in my posts on this topic, as there are so many more out there who have so much more to say than I do, in a better format.

What I can relate are personal stories as to how some of this works.

At the moment, there is an interesting configuration going on.  Saturn is in Libra oppose Mercury in Aries.  Venus will be coming up to join them soon.  They are square the moon in capricorn today, and this creates a t-square.  They are also in a wide square to Pluto in Capricorn.  What you want to learn to do is to be self-aware enough to make the changes that are asked of you, so energy does not need to manifest into an event to get your attention.  Tracy Marks - who is a great introductory read - stated that the way to handle T-squares was to try to funnel the energy into the planet at the apex (top) of the square.  In my case that would be a third house Saturn in Libra Transit oppose a 9th house Venus/Mercury in Aries Transit - with Pluto Moon highlighting the 5th house of creativity/love and 6th house of Work.  I am looking into self publishing, and wonderful websites have been popping up today.  I am going to look into this Citizen Scientist participation as something I will do to help the collective, and to help myself in terms of interesting creative avocation.  The Pluto at the Apex is highligting love and work (more on the love in a moment), and the third house and 9th house of communication, education, higher education and travels are highlighted as well.

A lot of times I find astrology helpful when I am musing over my life and looking at what the Gods/Goddesses and Psyche asks of me.  Like I said - I am a beginner journeyman - but having an understanding of my personal mandala has been instructive and helpful in my journey.   With what could be a difficult configuration, I am finding that the Universe is sending helpers and help today.  It does not hurt that Mars is conjunct my Venus at 16 degrees Aries.  Venus is one of my guiding planets.

On this high holy holiday weekend - I suppose it may be about picking up our own crosses in Life- and maybe this is about personal accountability and responsibility?

There are never simple / simplistic answers. 

 I am reading a wonderful book by Victoria Osteen, and the lady is speaking to me.  I am very surprised, but her words are a source of comfort and nourishment that I have desperately needed.  There is that activated 9th house again.  "Love Your Life" is a little gem.   So this is getting me off my judgement source, I thought no way would I like this lady - but my intuition kept strongly telling me to get that book when I saw it last week.  So I did - and I am very grateful I did.

Have a blessed Saturday.

Kat Daffodil

Astrology in Action

I read with amusement and dismay that Pluto in Capricorn will affect knees and teeth. 

Pluto went reverse last week.  I broke a tooth, my secretary broke a tooth, the other secretary had a tooth ache, and our IT guy had extensive dental work.

Pluto also affects knees, and there are numerous posts about my ongoing knee healing.

Embrace it and move forward.

Nasa Citizen Scientist

http://science.nasa.gov/science-news/science-at-nasa/2011/22apr_zooniverse/

http://science.nasa.gov/


I wanted to share with you this wonderful website which came into my mailbox this morning.  There are citizen scientists helping to do research on the Milky Way and other projects, and I intend to help them.  Talking about stretching the mind and the imagination.  I wanted to share this discovery with you.

Kat

Chrondomylacia, Saturn, Virgo, Venus, knees please

The diagnosis was Chrondomylacia, and the prognosis is I can reverse this if I get the 30 pounds off of me.  I have spent a lot of time over the last month working on my knee rehabilitation, and I have seen improvement.

Some thoughts to consider if you are having knee trouble

* An Anti-inflamatory diet
* Ibuprofin instead of aspirin.  Ibuprofin is anti-inflamatory
* Strength training instead of yoga
* Per my doctor
     1) For each pound of weight loss there will be a 5% increase in knee function
     2) Bicycle, Elliptical, Swimming and strength training are my friends.  I have spent a lot of time
         on the stationary bike in front of a news source at a gym - this is do-able for cardio.
     3) In his words - if I can get the 30 pounds off "My Knee would be Golden".  He believes I can
         completely reverse the damage.
      4) I will post more about that doctors visit after I find my notes.
* Chrondomylacia is torn cartilege.  Found in aging athletes or after a trauma such as a bruise, it can be reversed and rehabilitated.

The strength training has been good for me.  I did a lot of that when I was younger, and I find it helps me to focus into my body, into this here and now. 

What is the old adage - Evolve instead of Dissolve - or Evolution instead of Revolution.  More on all this - thoughts are changing because the body is changing, and the body is changing because the knee needs healing, and the knee represents Saturn which is the material world....and boy yes I need to get a clue.

I am connected but I need to learn to "Be Here Now"  this is a north node in Virgo in the second house.

Perricone and Pritikin and Dr. Mehmet Oz are great reads for nutrition.  I am not into being hungry or creating an eating issue - but what I knew when I was young and what I am re-learning now - is that if you eat the right things and exercise - your body will do what it needs to do.

Pritikin and all their friends advocates
* 4 Fruits
* 5 Vegetables
* a protein
* a carb (good carb like brown rice)
*  a tree nut (almonds anyone?)

a day.

Health and wellness pay off in the long run.  I will keep you posted on my progress.

Kat Daffodil signing out

Knees Please, A visit to the Orthopedic Doctor

After doing some research, I decided I wanted to visit an orthopedic doctor with a specialty in sports medicine.  I did not want to opt for surgery, but wanted to find out how to heal my knee.

Of course, as I have said before, the most important thing I can do is to get the thirty pounds off of me.  Extra weight will aggravate any knee condition you might have.  I have also committed to wearing shoes with orthopedic inserts - Dr Schol and a very nice one I found for dress shoes called ortho light.  I consider Dr. Schol the standard from which all other products are based.  Arch support for my flat feet has helped my knee immensely.

The doctor took four x-ray and did an examination, and made a diagnosis.  Chrondomylacia Patella.

Basically it is the softening of the cartilage of the knee.  I am supposed to go see him for a follow up later in March.  I have switched to Ibuprofen - aspirin will not bring swelling down.  The swelling is much better.  He told me I could swim, elliptical or bicycle, but not to run nor fast walk until we get the swelling and the knee under control.  Further reading reveals the important of strength training the knee.

I am completely changing how I go about things.  For years I have done yoga, but that seems to aggravate this situation.  I can no longer sit in lotus.  So I am switching to pilates and some floor exercises at home.  I have run into some excellent article on the way - which I will post here later in this entry.

Chrondomylacia can be reversed if I loose the weight and get with the program.  In addition, I am doing an anti-inflamatory diet.  The chrondomylacia can be brought on by an injury, and I fell on the knee twice last year. 

I was pleased as punch that this was not arthritis, and that there are things I can do in a disciplined evolved way.

http://www.thestretchinghandbook.com/archives/chondromalacia.php

http://www.orthoseek.com/articles/chondromp.html
This particular article is my personal favorite.

http://www.livestrong.com/article/299199-knee-exercises-for-chondromalacia/
Live Strong is a great website with a variety of articles.

The first daffodils of spring were spotted, and I have some sitting on my desk now.

Until next time.

Kat Daffodil

Knees Please, Update February 18, 2011 Leo Full Moon at 29 degrees Leo

Yes, I track astrology.  But I also have an engineering degree and an MBA from a top school.  Just consider me avant-guarde.  In addition, an astrologer told me a long time ago that Hygiea - the goddess of health and an asteroid - is oppose my sun at 24.33 Degrees Taurus.  What this means in real terms is either I will be ultra healthy or I will have problems.  Basically, when I am with the program I am fine, but when I am not with the program what I am going through now happens.  Instead of giving my poor friends and coworkers an earful, I am blogging it.  I may eventually open this up for comments, but for now I am just trying to understand, explain and heal my experience.  I want my health back.

My knee is better.  It is still swollen, it is still tender, but it is better.  I have been doing some research and making some changes, which I will report here, but I did want to state up front that I am seeing slow progress.  The crises where I could barely walk seems to be improving.

I have symptoms of tendonitis and osteoarthritis, plus other things.  I know that I should not be self diagnosing, and that I need to see a doctor, but it took a while to choose what type of doctor.  I think I am going to make an appointment with an orthopedic doctor who specializes in sports medicine.  I do not want surgery, but I want someone who understands both the soft tissue and the bones.  I did a lot of searching last night, and I have a few names now.  I will be making some phone calls to set up an appointment, and I will give an additional update on that in a later post.

I have revealed my secret identity to a friend from work during a bathroom conversation (ladies always talk to each other in the bathroom).  She had some health related issues a few weeks back that I was able to help with via a bathroom conversation, and what I told her to do worked.  I told her about my challenges, and we had a good laugh.  I told her about the blog as me needing a forum to talk about this.  I need a place where it is safe to say what needs to be said.  I could send her a weblink just because.  However, we build these things slowly, and I am just now testing my wings as a writer.  I have to watch the tendency to perform for an audience (which I do) as I would prefer to be perfectly honest about what I am going through here on this forum, without it disintegration into a rant.  That said, I may blog for a while and then send this out to a few who could use the love.

From the reading I have done, I need to loose the weight.  I am starting at 162 pounds, and I am told by several calculators on Dan's health food stores that my ideal weight range is 121lbs-135lbs.  This keys into all my self worth fears, but I am reassuring myself that just because I will get back to my ideal weight does not mean that I am weak, small and vulnerable.  It means I will need to take up strength training and a self defense class, and possibly Ai-Ki-Do if my joints allow.  Ai-Ki-Do as I seem to be able to see patterns of energy, and they honor that.  I don't want to overpower anyone, I want to protect myself and live my life.  Back to that Aries lesson I have - but that is another story.

So, from all the research I have done so far, this is what I have.

If you are overweight, the overweight will aggravate the knee swelling.  It is important to get into your normal weight range if you have an osteo-arthritis process starting.  By getting back to your ideal weight the pressure on the joint will be reduced, and this will slow the loss of cartilage and will relieve the pain.  The most important thing you can do if you have osteo-arthritis or an osteo-arthritis process starting is to get into your normal weight range.

I have an inflammation process in the knee, and all the symptoms of tendonitis.  I also have rosacea, cholesterol, borderline high blood sugar.  I have done an anti-inflammation diet before, and from all the reading I have done on my kneed, I realized I needed to do an anti-inflammation diet again.  I will not give up on coffee but I will cut back on other things.  The chocolate I ate the other day seems to have aggravated it. 

Proteolytic Enzymes help with the symptoms of inflammation. 

So for the time being
No Dairy
No Nightshades
Nothing Fried
No Meat (Red Meat or Pork)
Nothing processed (within reason)
Avoiding Sugar, chocolate, eggs, gluten

Eating plenty of fruit, vegetables, tree nuts, sensible carbs (like rice).
I have eaten so much fruit this week and vegetables, and I am really not hungry.

I will keep you posted.

It is better, not perfect, but I am able to walk better now.

Some useful websites


http://www.thestretchinghandbook.com/archives/patellar-tendonitis.php

http://www.orthoseek.com/articles/chondromp.html
"A non-steroidal anti-inflammatory medication like Motrin is often prescribed by your physician. This is taken regularly, whether you feel pain or not. By decreasing the inflammation, the pain is often reduced. But not only that, there is some evidence to suggest that the drug actually helps in reforming the articular cartilage."


http://www.arthritis-treatment-and-relief.com/sports-rehab-patellar-tendonitis.html
Dr Wei wrote this article and I have copied it extensively here.  I did not write these words, and you can find the original source information at the weblink above.  Finding this was a god send, as these are my symptoms, and I do have an over-pronation of the foot.
"Patellar tendonitis can also occur in people who have alignment problems in their legs. This alignment problem can result from having wide hips, being knock-kneed, or having feet that roll inward when you walk or run (over-pronation). "  -
"Symptoms are:
• pain and tenderness involving the patellar tendon
• swelling in the knee joint or swelling where the patellar tendon attaches to the tibia
• pain with jumping, running, or walking, especially when going downhill or downstairs
• pain with flexing or extending (bending or straightening) the leg
• tenderness behind the kneecap.

"If the tendon ruptures, there is sudden severe pain with inability to straighten the leg.
"The diagnosis is suspected when there is tenderness at the patellar tendon. The pain is increased with running, jumping, or squatting. The feet should be checked for over-pronation. MRI of your knee may confirm the diagnosis. "The article is worth reading and Pierre Rouzier, M.D., for McKesson Clinical Reference Systems is also credited.

All the best,

Kat

Back to personal accountability again, Knees Please

Some interesting Websites

http://www.arthritisresearchuk.org/arthritis_information/arthritis__daily_life/sports_injuries.aspx#non

I was such an athlete when younger, and a stickler about my health.  I don't know what happened.  Maybe I got lazy, or disillusioned, or tired, but I quit being a stickler and now I am suffering the consequences.  I was climbing towers all week for my job, and I was in the deep south which was in the deep freeze, but as a result my left knee is swollen to twice the size of my right knee, and all the reading I am doing is scaring the crap out of me.  I suppose this means it is time to get back with the program. 

Maybe this was about fitting in.  The desire to be loved and to fit in has been the bane of my existence.  A wise old astrologer once told me that nope, it would never happen.  Why?  Uranus square Sun.  So this peace loving Taurus periodically goes through revolution.  Fine.  I have learned to recognize signs and symptoms so it can be an even keeled change instead of things blowing up.  Seems to me that things blow up when I refuse to acknowledge what I need to do.  Geez-Louise.  A life long reading task I suppose.  Back to the knees.  Maybe I carry the weight to feel protected as a life long empath - but there are better ways.  Back to learning about energy and empowerment.

I am linking several good websites I found this morning.  From the reading I have done, seems that the best thing I could do for Osteoarthritis is to loose the weight.  Still at 162 pounds, and I went to David's Health Food store and did some reading.  He has some wonderful calculators, and I have linked them for you.  Apparently for a medium frame the normal weight is 121 pounds to 135 pounds.  My BMI is 27, which puts me solidly in the overweight category;  my normal BMI (Body Mass Index) would be in the 18.5 to 24.9 range. I also reread things I knew years ago, and here I am circling around again.  An Anti-Inflammation diet will help with weight loss and joint pain, and I pulled out Dr. Perricones book again (very good book) to read up. I am also reviewing my "Fit for Life" Book.  Dr Mehmet Oz has written eloquently on the subject, and I pulled out some of the information form that as well.  There are no easy fixes are there, but when three different people or sources of information repeat the same thing to you over and over, it is time to pay attention is it not?  The nice thing about following an anti-inflammation diet, is it will increase mental clarity.  So, although I may give up the "French Frie" I do not have to immediately give up the potato (whole food).  I do know however, that Potatoes are a night shade, and nightshades and milk (dairy) are linked to inflammation and aggravating arthritis.

I am not into being hungry.  It is a scary thing.  I am however, willing to eat the right things.  The right things are fruits, vegetables, tree nut, legumes, rice.  Fish or Chicken instead of red meat and pork.  I think this all takes planning however, and that is what I have to think through.

I am off to buy Proteolytic Enzymes (Bromelein) - which have been shown to help with joint flare up and knee problems.  I also have to find a doctor I suppose.  But the first thing he will do is to tell me to loose the weight.  My theory is I took a fall in November, aggravate and hurt the knee, I have not been eating right lately but have been eating for comfort and emotional nourishment, which never works, so this is all linked to some of these big changes I need to make in my life.  Where I live and how I am earning a living.  This goes back to stepping up to my leadership abilities, which brings me back to my power issues, which circles me back around for my need for mental clarity on the subject.

I refuse to say I am giving up everything permanently, but I can say I can be good for six to seven weeks to help the swelling go down while I look for a doctor.  Watch for further posts on my emotions toward all this, as they will be there, but the thing I need to keep repeating, and what I knew so well when young is food is for nourishment, not to fix your problems.  Your problems have to be fixed through your actions, efforts and goals, and it is what it is.  I did not write the ground rules, I simply have to figure out what they are, and live in a health way. Now off to David's Health Food store in Columbia - it looks great.

I will update this post later - but for now enjoy the articles I have linked.


http://healthlibrary.epnet.com/GetContent.aspx?token=e0498803-7f62-4563-8d47-5fe33da65dd4&chunkiid=21671

David's Health Assessment tools

http://www.davidsnaturalmarket.com/common/adam/HealthTools.asp?storeID=CF1D83C59A914DEEB1F49F78C9BE5747

http://www.davidsnaturalmarket.com/common/adam/DisplayMonograph.asp?storeID=CF1D83C59A914DEEB1F49F78C9BE5747&DocID=33_000163

The one about Diabetes and tendinitis scared the crap out of me.  My fasting blood sugar one year ago was 100.  Not prediabetic yet, but borderline.  Once again, I have to pay attention to what I eat and to what I weigh.  This blog I suppose is to help with feeling like I am not so alone in this, and to take my power back. 

http://ard.bmj.com/content/48/3/211.abstract

http://books.google.com/books?id=HoK997rgO-4C&pg=PA145&lpg=PA145&dq=knee+doctor+enzymes&source=bl&ots=0a8WyJJ7Je&sig=qsFY1K9_ksr5eJ7VSQv65fkl24E&hl=en&ei=ZoJWTeSdIsSblgf7u4HqBw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&ved=0CBoQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=knee%20doctor%20enzymes&f=false




http://www.umm.edu/altmed/articles/tendinitis-000163.htm
The University of Maryland has a great complementary medicine web page, and finding this gives me hope about maybe staying in Maryland.

From the webpage

Signs and Symptoms:

• Swelling
• Tenderness
• Pain that gets worse when you move the affected limb
• Warmth and redness
• Crepitus (crackling)

These are my symptoms.  Hm....guess it is time to see a doctor.


I can make these changes, I simply have to know what they are and follow through.  Sometimes we have to learn to stand alone in order to set a good example.  A lot of people look up to me for whatever reason.  I seem to have lost my mojo (Mars) for a bit - I am going to bring him back.  Jupiter is in Aries now, so that should help.

All the best,

Kat

Future Articles, the Flood Gates have Opened

It is my belief that every human being has health as their birthright, but that this has to be earned.

I believe we will discover connections to DNA for our differences and underlying health issues.

Future Blog posts will include

Gluten

The importance of building muscle for weight loss

Astrological Mandala

Why you have to stay with what works for you, as we are all unique

Venus, Five and the Apple

Why keeping Mars happy is important

Websites I visit frequently

Why I don't pretend to know everything

Updates on Dietary options

Why Milk may not be so good for you

The importance of keeping a dream journal

Meditation, Chiron, Empath, Be here now, Energy in the Feet, Breathing Deep, and loving ancestors who were warriors

Loving Money and relating it to a high value system

Healing is dealing with Feeling

Directed energy is important 

More to come

"It is not about the Money" and "What Matters Most" as two important books

Why understanding my own life journey was helpful

Remember These?

http://dollreference.com/dd_flowerdarlings1968a.html

Circa 1960's. I had a Lily of the Valley Doll as I was a Taurus.

Knees Please, Dr Mehmet Oz

I read an article by Dr. Mehmet Oz in Parade Magazine that was published in the time frame of December 2009 / January 2010.  He stated that to begin on the journey of health, one should eat four fruits and five vegetables every day, as well as a tree nut, a carbohydrate and a protein.  A serving size is around the size of your fist.

When I eat like that, I do feel better, and I am not hungry.

Knees Please

I am not sure how I will manage this particular blog.  There is a certain safety in being hidden as then you can be truthful.  However, I am not a believer in flamers under the guard of being secretive, as that shows a lack of integrity.  That said, I suppose, this will be about a personal journey from point A to point B. 


I was told by a wise woman, an older woman, an astrologer, that I needed to start writing now.  She instructed me to begin with essays as I had something I was supposed to teach, and the way I would teach it was through writing about it.  Being unsure of myself, I have hesitated, but now I do have something to write about;  health and wellness. It has come to my attention in a painful way that I need to pay attention to what is going on with my knees.  It is past due time to shed 30 pounds, and that is bringing up all sorts of issues of insecurity.  I did a lot of research yesterday on the web due to a healing crises with my left knee.  The pain goes from the knee down to the ankle and up to the hip.  Of course, this scares the crap out of me.  I turn 50 in May, and as much I hate to admit it, I can no longer fudge the way I used to.  The joints are starting to go.


The injury began over the last few yeasr and it was aggravated by several circumstances.  I have fallen twice in the last year due to lack of attention.  Both times, the left knee was injured.  The current weight of 162 pounds at 5'5" is aggravating the condition.  I went onto CaloriesCount through http://www.about.com/ yesterday and found out that my ideal weight for my height should be 132 pounds.  That is 30 pounds to loose.  I am sure my joints will be much happier if it is gone, but then that brings up all my issues of safety and being in the world, fear, and ultimately owning my own personal power.  Hence the journey.  The weight is not about the weight, the weight is about what it represents.  Research into BMI - Body Mass Index - revealed that I was in the "overweight Zone" and the normal BMI range would be 118 pounds to 140 pounds.


There were other things.  My foot pronates, and my collapsing arch seems to be taking my knee and hip with it.  I am probably also out of alignment as I carried my sister on this hip the first three years of her life, and my ages 9 through 12.  No 9 year old should have been carrying a baby around on her hip, and my knee is permanently damaged to prove it.  A conversation with a close male friend led me to buy arch supports on Saturday, and it did offer some blessed relief.  He also thinks I need to mix it up with the shoes, as some have arch support, and my shoes are probably aggravating the situation.  An inspection of four year old sneakers revealed the nubs had been worn down, so it is time for a new pair that support my ankle, knee and leg.  He also stated that there should be no more impact exercise until this knee problem is resolved;  he highly recommends elliptical or bicycle.  I will also do pilates to build muscle, as apparently muscle supports the knee and keeps it healthy.


I went to a business happy hour on Thursday, drank three glasses of wine, and neglected to eat enough.  My knee was killing me the next day.  Further research on the web revealed that alcohol aggravates joint problems, and if you want to heal the joints, you have to quit drinking.  Who knew?  I don't drink that often, but I did enjoy the occasional wine.  Until the knees are fixed, Au Revoir.  However, when I do visit France later this year, I will need to step back from that position a bit.


I will post all relevant websites, and I will also document my progress.  Part of the inability to loose the weight has been due to fear, irrational fears, which if I think I can shine the light of day on them with reason and knowledge will be helped along in their healing.  All I know is Friday and Saturday, my knee had ballooned up, and I could barely walk.  I am not ready for disintegration, but to rebuild, and to rebuild I have to take responsibility and be held to account.  Part of that is loosing the thirty pounds. 


The other missing piece of the puzzle, is I was practically anorexic in highschool (we had a flirtation going, I never went full blown).  A lovely Jewish Mother in Venezuela took one look at me the summer between my Junior and Senior year of High School and said "We need to fatten you up".   And she did.   I was on an exchange program, and being pulled out of my hyper competitive mindset did the trick.  I have been afraid to go on restrictive diets, as I don't want to flirt with anorexia again, but by swinging the other way my knees and heart are suffering, and I am now flirting with Diabetes.


Calorie Count at http://www.about.com/ will give you a nutritional and calorie analysis of what you eat, so I am going to approach this from the perspective of positive nutrition, and work through my fears.  I would like to inhabit this body another thirty five years, and in order to do so I must take care of it.  Part of taking care of your body is taking care of your joints.  Calorie Count tells me I should be at 132 pounds.  My aching hip and knee tell me that as well.  I hate starving so I will eat, but I think the point is to be mindful of the "What" that I eat, and to get rid of all empty calories.  Once I get to 132 pounds then I have to figure out how to maintain it.  One goal at a time however, and I will learn how to cross that bridge when I come to it.  For the moment my joints are complaining, and I must attend to it or the consequences are dire.  I am not into surgery and drugs. 


I had blood work last year showing that my blood sugar was high, but not preDiabetic yet.  The blood work also showed that my cholesterol was high.  I don't want to go on statins, but the loss of this thirty pounds upon which I am about to embark, has been coming for a while.  The knee and hip crises of the weekend was the tipping point.


Another key learning I had yesterday, which I do not believe pertains to me, is there is actually something called "Vascular Necrosis" brought on by heavy drinking (which I am not) which will actually kill joints such as hips.  Who knew?


I will keep you posted by weekly posts as this progresses, and maybe even more.  My key learnings I will document here.  My main goal is to be healthy again.


I have studied astrology and Jung for years, and it is interesting to me that Pluto and Venus will conjunct at 6 degrees Capricorn this Thursday February 10, 2011.  This is either in my fifth house or in my sixth house, depending on what house system you look at.  I have known for a while that when Pluto started to edge toward the sixth house, I would be asked, mandated, to transform my health and my work.  I have learned the hard way to "Be Here Now", but this is the playing field and where it happens.  So let me decide to embrace my health and to be active in that.  Pluto and Venus make a lovely trine to my Pluto in Virgo conjuncting the North Node in the second house, so I am loved and supported in my desire for health and healing.


The motto for Virgo that helps me to remember is "Keep the Good, Get rid of the Bad, Advance evolve progress."  The Gods/Goddesses ask this of me.  Capricorn rules the knees, and it is time for me to pay attention. 


Wish me luck, and have a wonderful day.