I am not sure how I will manage this particular blog. There is a certain safety in being hidden as then you can be truthful. However, I am not a believer in flamers under the guard of being secretive, as that shows a lack of integrity. That said, I suppose, this will be about a personal journey from point A to point B.
I was told by a wise woman, an older woman, an astrologer, that I needed to start writing now. She instructed me to begin with essays as I had something I was supposed to teach, and the way I would teach it was through writing about it. Being unsure of myself, I have hesitated, but now I do have something to write about; health and wellness. It has come to my attention in a painful way that I need to pay attention to what is going on with my knees. It is past due time to shed 30 pounds, and that is bringing up all sorts of issues of insecurity. I did a lot of research yesterday on the web due to a healing crises with my left knee. The pain goes from the knee down to the ankle and up to the hip. Of course, this scares the crap out of me. I turn 50 in May, and as much I hate to admit it, I can no longer fudge the way I used to. The joints are starting to go.
The injury began over the last few yeasr and it was aggravated by several circumstances. I have fallen twice in the last year due to lack of attention. Both times, the left knee was injured. The current weight of 162 pounds at 5'5" is aggravating the condition. I went onto CaloriesCount through http://www.about.com/ yesterday and found out that my ideal weight for my height should be 132 pounds. That is 30 pounds to loose. I am sure my joints will be much happier if it is gone, but then that brings up all my issues of safety and being in the world, fear, and ultimately owning my own personal power. Hence the journey. The weight is not about the weight, the weight is about what it represents. Research into BMI - Body Mass Index - revealed that I was in the "overweight Zone" and the normal BMI range would be 118 pounds to 140 pounds.
There were other things. My foot pronates, and my collapsing arch seems to be taking my knee and hip with it. I am probably also out of alignment as I carried my sister on this hip the first three years of her life, and my ages 9 through 12. No 9 year old should have been carrying a baby around on her hip, and my knee is permanently damaged to prove it. A conversation with a close male friend led me to buy arch supports on Saturday, and it did offer some blessed relief. He also thinks I need to mix it up with the shoes, as some have arch support, and my shoes are probably aggravating the situation. An inspection of four year old sneakers revealed the nubs had been worn down, so it is time for a new pair that support my ankle, knee and leg. He also stated that there should be no more impact exercise until this knee problem is resolved; he highly recommends elliptical or bicycle. I will also do pilates to build muscle, as apparently muscle supports the knee and keeps it healthy.
I went to a business happy hour on Thursday, drank three glasses of wine, and neglected to eat enough. My knee was killing me the next day. Further research on the web revealed that alcohol aggravates joint problems, and if you want to heal the joints, you have to quit drinking. Who knew? I don't drink that often, but I did enjoy the occasional wine. Until the knees are fixed, Au Revoir. However, when I do visit France later this year, I will need to step back from that position a bit.
I will post all relevant websites, and I will also document my progress. Part of the inability to loose the weight has been due to fear, irrational fears, which if I think I can shine the light of day on them with reason and knowledge will be helped along in their healing. All I know is Friday and Saturday, my knee had ballooned up, and I could barely walk. I am not ready for disintegration, but to rebuild, and to rebuild I have to take responsibility and be held to account. Part of that is loosing the thirty pounds.
The other missing piece of the puzzle, is I was practically anorexic in highschool (we had a flirtation going, I never went full blown). A lovely Jewish Mother in Venezuela took one look at me the summer between my Junior and Senior year of High School and said "We need to fatten you up". And she did. I was on an exchange program, and being pulled out of my hyper competitive mindset did the trick. I have been afraid to go on restrictive diets, as I don't want to flirt with anorexia again, but by swinging the other way my knees and heart are suffering, and I am now flirting with Diabetes.
Calorie Count at http://www.about.com/ will give you a nutritional and calorie analysis of what you eat, so I am going to approach this from the perspective of positive nutrition, and work through my fears. I would like to inhabit this body another thirty five years, and in order to do so I must take care of it. Part of taking care of your body is taking care of your joints. Calorie Count tells me I should be at 132 pounds. My aching hip and knee tell me that as well. I hate starving so I will eat, but I think the point is to be mindful of the "What" that I eat, and to get rid of all empty calories. Once I get to 132 pounds then I have to figure out how to maintain it. One goal at a time however, and I will learn how to cross that bridge when I come to it. For the moment my joints are complaining, and I must attend to it or the consequences are dire. I am not into surgery and drugs.
I had blood work last year showing that my blood sugar was high, but not preDiabetic yet. The blood work also showed that my cholesterol was high. I don't want to go on statins, but the loss of this thirty pounds upon which I am about to embark, has been coming for a while. The knee and hip crises of the weekend was the tipping point.
Another key learning I had yesterday, which I do not believe pertains to me, is there is actually something called "Vascular Necrosis" brought on by heavy drinking (which I am not) which will actually kill joints such as hips. Who knew?
I will keep you posted by weekly posts as this progresses, and maybe even more. My key learnings I will document here. My main goal is to be healthy again.
I have studied astrology and Jung for years, and it is interesting to me that Pluto and Venus will conjunct at 6 degrees Capricorn this Thursday February 10, 2011. This is either in my fifth house or in my sixth house, depending on what house system you look at. I have known for a while that when Pluto started to edge toward the sixth house, I would be asked, mandated, to transform my health and my work. I have learned the hard way to "Be Here Now", but this is the playing field and where it happens. So let me decide to embrace my health and to be active in that. Pluto and Venus make a lovely trine to my Pluto in Virgo conjuncting the North Node in the second house, so I am loved and supported in my desire for health and healing.
The motto for Virgo that helps me to remember is "Keep the Good, Get rid of the Bad, Advance evolve progress." The Gods/Goddesses ask this of me. Capricorn rules the knees, and it is time for me to pay attention.
Wish me luck, and have a wonderful day.
